ROTARY CLUB OF HARTFORD NO. 21 

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District 7890

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Dr. Nathan L. Dubin

Nathan Lewis Dubin, D.M.D. died January 9, 2005 in West Palm Beach, FL. His obituary appeared in the Hartford Courant January 12th and 13^th, 2005. It describes his lengthy and remarkable career in dentistry and his work as an innovator and educator in his profession. He was a member of many professional boards and societies and many honors were conferred upon him. He played the violin and saxophone, and in his youth sang with his own orchestra, Nat Dubin and his Brown Derby Orchestra.

In addition to multiple Paul Harris awards, Hartford Rotary was privileged to honor Dr. Nathan Dubin with our Vocational Service Award on May 17, 2004. He was a dedicated Rotarian, a 48-year member with perfect attendance who brought 56 other members into the club. We will remember his extraordinary club support and service, especially of Polio Plus, and his example of what it means to be a Rotarian.  Our condolences to Renee Dubin, Nat and Renee’s children, grandchildren, and all the family.  The Rotary Club of Hartford is making a donation to the Rotary Foundation in Nathan Dubin’s memory.

Dr. Nat Dubin's Eulogy By His Daughter Pamela Dubin

Countless times I’ve seen our Dad on this bima....there's the window for his parents........there are my parent’s seats.......
Dad would be so glad to see all of my sisters in temple......He was a devoted religious person, son, husband, father, grandfather, uncle and brother who lead our sedars (giving everyone a part) but he was not a zealot.....He had friends and colleagues of all religions and races....

How do you sum up a father whose list of accomplishments could fill the Sunday Times?  Actually, there’s no way, but maybe just give a glimpse………In trying to edit this last night my nephew  Alex said "I understand why that's so hard, I could talk about grandpa for hours"  Don't worry, Dad wouldn't want that......short and sweet...and off…….I'll try for sweet......

When we were kids, Dad used to take us into his office, on Saturdays to pick up the mail, but he made it an adventure instead of a chore....He'd let us into the lab and we'd play with the pink and red wax and my three older sister remember the plaster of paris, Bunsen burners and molds.   He let us free in the office; trusting us, allowing us to create.......He didn't hover........ It was just enough for him to know we were there.......We'd sing songs on the way down to the office....The car rides were adventures in themselves.....Our father loved to speed......We'd zoom down to the office with no traffic......He loved to make us laugh flying over the speed bumps..........He liked to do things fast.......He had his own lab in the office for the fastest turn around........We'd watch him go from room to room in the office but he never walked, he had his own little jog.......He'd see two patients at once...blue room and orange room in his newer office, that my Mom helped to design, in the Gold building, downtown ……..  A perfectionist who demanded the best from himself and from those around him… He wanted things done “yesterday”........Dad would inhale his dinner.....down his glass of water He'd entertain us at dinner with singing ... He'd rather joke or sing or recite a quote than talk about negatives......His memory was phenomenal.....He would say tapping his forehead ”nothing wrong up here"...which was true.....he was "sharp as a tack" with a remarkable memory always.......He would tell us how in college and dental/med school he would prepare for exams by simply memorizing whole texts.  Years later he could still recite whole passages from school and from shows..........We heard lots of Yiddish phrases like "en dred mina gelt"....He'd tease us, when we'd say "Daaaad"......he'd say "he just left".....Daddy would make us giggle, by flexing his muscles and would cheer us up by singing……….........Dubin would catch your eye with a twinkle....and a smile....and say "Think positive"..... Our father always had a dynamically charming personality……….He loved to perform.....in fact, he played Groucho Marx in my grade school parent’s night play.....a perfect part.....lots of fun and dressed to the hilt...........Dad was known for his classy style...a real “gent”...a "Dapper Dan" as my sister calls him.....I used to love to watch him shave...he'd puff out his cheeks  and make a show of it.....put on aftershave, polish his shoes , wear a suit (vests were rare having gone through four girls nabbing them during our teenage years…) his fresh pocket handkerchief, Rotary pin, Shriners ring and of course always a tie......we'd tease him about that.....he'd wear a tie on the weekends when we were young (always ready in case he needed to get to the hospital) I think he took off his jacket though...When he'd take his girls ice skating or sledding or to play tennis or swim......And, especially when he played golf with his buddies on Saturdays at The Club....Tumblebrook......where he won championships....Our parents would round out the weekend with Friday night dinner, the symphony, or theatre or the Atheneum or the Bushnell or the ballet or just go out to a party for dancing on Saturday nights......Dads hair slicked back  (He had beautiful hair......that evolved into gorgeous white hair.....a full head even today)  and the two of them “dressed to the nines” ....sometimes my dad in a top hat.....both of them smelled so good and looked so glamorous....they were true movie stars to me…… It was important to Dad to look ones best.....He cared a lot about that.....physical beauty....of course, look at our Mom......and he expected that of the rest of us….Although, he like to go out on the town, our Dad loved to be at home.........He had exquisite taste in art and was a true man of culture...Even his handwriting was a work of art……..amazing for a doctor……. He relished in the lilies of the valley and lilacs when they'd return each year, delighted in the colors of the trees in the fall and always comment on beautiful sights.   Even last week he was admiring some flowers my Mom had gotten and talked about the beauty of the boats going by outside the apt down south....Dad loved Hartford and was committed to helping the community......I don't think we ever heard him say no to a charity or someone who needed help.......

Back in the office (where so much of his life happened.......) He'd be fitting people in who were in pain.....doing work for people in need ....We all heard him say numerous times "Don't worry about it, you'll pay it back when you can"   "Doc can you fix it?"   "Shew ure"...... He is famous for his deeds.....One time when I was up for jury duty, the judge heard my name and asked whether Nat Dubin was my father........When I said “yes!”, he stopped the proceedings.....and told me that he had to excuse me because he knew my father......But, what the judge wanted me and the whole courtroom to know was what a wonderful and generous man my  father was......How he helped him to  become a judge........Everyone, including the guy on trial, was smiling when he finished..............We still hear stories about how he was “the sweetest man”, “what a great smile”....He didn't need people to know that either.....For example, he was, a Justice of the Peace and would have people donate his fee to charity........Our Dad’s generosity was enormous....He never begrudged us anything but taught us how to "turn out the lights when you leave the room".....Education was expected and there was never any financial question about it.   Because to our Dad, it was vital to have a good education.......Our father worked his way up..."pulled himself up by his bootstraps"....

Dad was dedicated to his profession and was of the school when a doctor cared about the patient and not just how many people he could see in an hour.............He took on cases no one else would take...a hero in that regard.......the risks were higher..........no matter the backlash.........a class act............Endless years of standing dentistry took their toll on his body.......He didn't complain though when people would call……… Even if he was in pain, he'd answer the phone "hedo" as if everything was fine.......................When he broke his wrist,  he didn't have them put it back in place because  it made his hands stronger.......better for dentistry..........

My Dad’s hands.......strong big hands....his fingers were two of mine.....but he had the lightest touch....People said he had “golden” hands…..His dexterity was unchallenged...Mom asked him once "how can you operate with such wide fingers?” and he said " You operate with your head not your hands"..........I had the honor of being with my father when he died holding one of those amazing hands, and I can tell you he died with dignity…….the way he lived his life....The last connection I had with my Dad he gave me a smile.......

Back to the office....All four of us, his daughters worked in the office as an assistant and receptionist…..Our father had a quote that stood in his office........."The secret of happiness is found not in doing what one likes, but in liking what one has to do".   My Dad who gave up so much for us, learned to love his work.... He'd teach us that what he used in the office were not "tools" but "instruments ...his work became his orchestra ...I lasted a summer and here and there...getting up a 4:45AM being in the office by 5:45 and getting done at 3:45.....Dad didn't even take a lunch hour, except on Mondays for Rotary, and then he would sneak out before the speaker because he had patients waiting............We used to set his big breakfast bowl out every night and his Total... .No matter the weather, our Dad never missed a day of work……….He'd be gone before we went to school…. When I worked there I'd come home and want to go right to sleep.....his energy and dedication was endless…..

After my dad retired, in the last 8 years......he stayed for the speaker at Rotary...continuing to help them…ever increasing his record of getting people to join……Dad really missed his office,  but people would still call for advice and to say how irreplaceable he was...He'd still pay bills the day they came in,  was still interested in politics, still cheered on the Red Sox (finally to victory), and still was always sure to let us know daily whether the stock market was up or down,  and he loved to read….He read Les Miserables when he was young and Harry Potter recently....and related to them both very positively......We’re  sure he could relate to the main character's struggles the triumph from rags to riches and their intentions to fight to do the right thing.........He was always “there”....We'd play three handed bridge and Casino and Gin rummy....he loved to win....a big smile would come across his face....He'd watch his programs.....Ruekeyser, Capital Gang and CNN…....He always wanted to "find out what's going on in the world"........ Breakfast was his favorite meal...after so many decades of cereal.....he'd have egg, toast, oatmeal, grapefruit, coffee.....And  Dad continued to make his weekend specialty of salami and eggs for us……….And he'd ask all of us…….."When are you coming home?????????" ………….

 He was so proud of the family… and loyal......... His family:  My dad worked so hard to provide for us and for all of his older brothers and sisters, 7 of them.... Although he was the youngest, I watched him take care of each of them.....lose one after the other….he was always concerned to do the right thing by them...... devoted to our family ........His mother died when he was only 14 and father in his 20's.......he adored them.........Dad is also a father figure and mentor to so many people..........he had friends of all ages……including his grandchildren……….you couldn’t ask for a more loyal friend……..    He loved Halloween....He'd always put on his soldier mask when the kids came to the door...he'd love to see their costumes and even this last year would wait there with excitement...He was a kid himself in that way....People are always asking how old my dad is....I don't know....I do know he was ageless.............. a mixture of a father and grandfather and friend.........He married later in life.....but he looked much younger......Just recently, he was talking about some “old lady” over there......and telling me about “old man Peterson”, who threw him a party when he got home from the war.......Daddy never thought of himself as old......because he was "young at heart" ......He had a big heart......He was a REAL  DADDY... He loved animals....only a couple of weeks ago we were talking about his dog "Beauty" who used to wait for him outside of school and carry his books home for him.......We had ceremonies for all our animals that died....in the animal cemetery.....He'd say the blessing over them in Hebrew.......When my cat died suddenly the week before Dad, he consoled me with one of his many moments of quoting advice putting his arms around me....."Don't worry honey, the pain will get easier in time" 

Our Dad was full of advice in quotes....."Accentuate the positive"......"Forget about it, it's in the past”, he would say, wanting us to "focus on the positive”...."Do the best you can".......”Everything works out for the better somehow”....."Climb though the rocks be rugged”....."One day I'm Going to that undiscovered country from which no traveler ever returnith"......

He taught us so much along with our Mom, whom he adored....... He always wanted to know where she was at every moment ... He was always singing to her....."I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad”...” Someday you’ll want me to want you to want me”…..."Embraceable you"…. “When your old and gray dear" ....Dad always wore a pocket watch but he never wore a wrist watch.  That was until my Mom gave him the watch which he has on to this day, with a picture of her on the face..........Dad was always early,  Mom always late….. Dad cold, Mom hot........Dad air off, Mom windows open.....Mom's favorite color is blue, Dad's  red...Mom running around helping everyone….....Dad always there waiting.....

"I'm listening"         

.....Dad knew what he wanted after glancing at the menu… something well done and right away.....and Mom would linger interested in all the items....They reminded me at times of Lucy and Ricky Ricardo...(Although, our Mom was content to be our Dad’s audience…..he was the performer)....Dad had that musical flare and hot quick temper and slicked back hair....and handsome.....A devoted couple...I know he's waiting for our Mom with a tux or better yet a suit and tie............

A song he was singing a lot even last week...acting it out with his special expressions and intonations..........that seems to sum up his out look was..........”Life is play and we all play a part, the lover the dreamer, the clown.  The Dreamer and Lover are always in tears, but the clown he spreads sunshine around.  The life with a smile is the life worthwhile, so clown till the curtain comes down.....Even though you’re only make believing laugh, clown, laugh!  Even though something inside is grieving Laugh, clown, laugh!  Don't let your heart grow too mellow Just be a real Punchinello, fellow.  You're supposed to brighten up a place and laugh, clown, laugh!  Paint a lot of smiles around your face and laugh, clown, don't frown.  Dressed in your best coloured humour, Laugh clown laugh!”

 "I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged.  Their feathers are just too bright.  And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice.  Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone.  I guess I just miss my friend."

So Dad,
"I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places that this heart of mine embraces all day through.....In every lovely summer's day, In everything that's light and gay, I'll always think of you that way......."

"I'll find you in the mornin' sun and when the night is new, I'll be looking at the moon but I'll be seeing you.” 

Dad looked at the stock page and the obituary page every morning.....He used to kibbutz he was making sure he wasn't there........This week his name, Dr. Nathan Lewis Dubin graced those pages with class.  What a gift my father gave us......How many children can prepare a eulogy about a parent and end up singing?  I'd like to conclude with you hearing a recording of my dad singing some of the songs he loved recorded only a few years ago......so you will imagine what his younger voice was like.....his still wonderful rich and melodic and unique voice........I'd like you to remember our Dad singing, and dancing with a top hat and tails....smiling.............We'll MISS him and we will ALWAYS LOVE him ......and carry him in OUR HEARTS and OUR SMILES......

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Copyright © 2000 Rotary Club of Hartford No. 21
Last modified: March 12, 2005